Obsessive love is characterized by obsessive or compulsive attempts to possess or control an individual, especially triggered (or even intensified) by rejection.[: "Much like other forms of romantic love, obsessive is accompanied by a motivation to approach a potential partner to fulfill needs for affiliation, closeness, intimacy, attachment, and sex; however, unlike other forms of love, obsessive love is marked by unequal commitment, lack of reciprocation, and repulsed approaches. Obsessive love is similar to infatuation, lust, a 'crush,' and limerence, all of which are viewed as an involuntary and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person."] Rejection is the "ultimate nightmare" to an obsessive lover, who can not let go when confronted with disinterest or the loss of a partner.
Comparison
The term may also be compared to other concepts:
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The love style called mania (or manic love): possessive, dependent love. A manic lover is insecure, Jealousy, and needs reassurances of being loved. A manic lover is unsure of who attracts them, so they may fall in love with somebody they don't even like and project unrealistic qualities on to them.
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Passionate love: the kind of love felt in the early stage of a romantic relationship, or for a potential partner before a relationship has occurred. Passionate love is a state of intense longing for another, which has an obsessional element characterized by intrusive thinking, uncertainty, and Mood swing.
[: "The attraction system is characterized by increased energy and focused attention on a preferred mating partner. In humans, the attraction system (standardly called romantic love, obsessive love, passionate love, being in love, infatuation, or limerence) is also characterized by feelings of exhilaration, 'intrusive thinking' about the love object, and a craving for emotional union with this partner or potential partner."]
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Limerence: love madness or all-absorbing Infatuation (comparable to passionate love), commonly for an unreachable person.
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Love addiction: a proposed disorder involving love relations characterized by severe distress and problematic passion-seeking despite adverse consequences.
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Obsessive love disorder: an unofficial diagnosis commonly found Internet, but not in the DSM.
Psychology
The problem with obsessive love is not so much a question of loving too intensely, but rather of
anger over rejection, or feelings of abandonment.
states that in her practice, she found four conditions which helped clarify when somebody is suffering from obsessive love:
Obsessive love may be related to the anxious attachment style.
In the dualistic model of passion, a distinction is made between two types of passion: harmonious passion (where the person experiencing it feels positive and in control) and obsessive passion (where the person experiencing it feels a loss of control, and it interferes with their life). This is reminiscent of the distinction between the love styles eros (harmonious) and mania (obsessive). One study found that harmonious romantic passion was strongly correlated (positively) with secure attachment, and obsessive romantic passion was moderately correlated (positively) with anxious attachment. Obsessive passion has also been associated with maladaptive conflict resolution strategies in relationships (e.g. criticism, contempt, defensiveness).
Sigmund Freud considered that obsessive love might be underpinned by an unconscious feeling of hate for which it overcompensated - thereby explaining the sufferer's feeling of a need to protect the love object.[S Freud, Case Histories II (PFL 9) p. 118-9 and p. 70-1]
Neuroscience
Cultural references
The
Ancient Greece called obsessive love "theia mania" (the madness from the gods), and
Greek mythology depicted it in stories such as Apollo and Daphne.
Obsessive love has been depicted in the movies Fatal Attraction and Play Misty for Me, and the novel Wuthering Heights.
See also
Bibliography
